UltiversalQ 008: The Biggest Spider-Web In Minnesota

Content Warning: MARK MILLAR

This week, Luke deals with some audio issues and Devin is a perfect angel as Spider-Man fights the Rhino and a dubious doppleganger and then the Ultimates do a lot of things that are morally dubious and generally not great.

Issues Covered:

  • Ultimates Vol 1 #1-6
  • Ultimate Spider-Man Vol 1 #22-27
  • Ultimate Spider-Man Super Special #1

Check out the show notes and images after the jump!

Ultimate Spider-Man #28-32

Writer – Brian Michael Bendis, Pencils – Mark Bagley, Inks – Art Thibert, Colors – Transparency Digital, Letters – Chris Eliopoulos

#28 – Sidetracked

While Peter is in the library, Mary Jane alerts him that a supervillain known as the Rhino in a robotic rhino suit was attacking the bank so Peter goes to change into his costume. After getting it, he runs into Aunt May at the school who is there for a parent teacher meeting he gets called into because he’s been distracted in class. When he’s asked why he says he needs to help a foreign exchange student with chemistry so he is excused. He walks towards the door when he almost runs into the teacher and track coach so he has to run to the cafeteria where he sees the Rhino is still attacking.

He leaves and finds Gwen crying in the trash and checks in on her but she’s dealing with a lot of emotions since her mom is leaving her dad and her because she hates her family. Peter says he has to run but wants to talk. As he’s running out, MJ sees him and he asks her to talk to Gwen and when he tries to explain things, Flash pelts him in the head with a football so he throws it on the roof and the football players chase him. He ends up ducking them and getting dressed but by the time he gets there, Iron Man has stopped the Rhino and someone asks him where he was.

 

#29-32

Ben Urich is at the bank and is recognized for the work he did taking down the Kingpin when Spider-Man comes in and robs the bank, brutally assaulting people and threatening them till he gets the money. Ben notices a number of strange things but he still presents the story to Jonah and the Bullpen and Peter comes in to hear all of this. Ben reveals that he doesn’t think it is the real Spider-Man and he gets in an argument with Jonah but ultimately sides. Because they don’t have pictures of the robbery though, Jonah turns to Peter to use his photos and the headline Spider-Man: Criminal is printed.

When Peter gets home on the subway he finds a police car out front, Gwen sleeping on the couch and Captain George Stacy talking to Aunt May. His wife, Gwen’s mom, left at night, and he asks May to help look after Gwen while he goes off to a conference in Atlantic City.

Mary Jane finds out from Peter and she’s upset because she is jealous and she asks if he revealed his secret and he says he didn’t and Peter just doesn’t understand.

As Peter and Gwen study, the news shows another robbery by Spider-Man who is in a hostage situation so he gets downtown but the police start shooting at him and he takes a bullet to the shoulder. The police cuff him and try to remove his mask but he escapes and breaks the cuffs only for a helicopter to follow him until he gets away in a dumpster and has to call Mary Jane, who is dealing with her own trauma, and covering for Peter, for help.  She shows up in a taxi and helps him get to a hospital where she has to leave him. Peter wakes up after getting patched up but the cops want to know who he is so he escapes. When Mary Jane hears them looking for him, she leaves and Peter gets her away and they web swing back.

Aunt May goes in to check on Peter and sees him sleeping but when she leaves, he checks out the TV and finds the police are looking for Spider-Man.

At the Atlantic City Police Conference, Spider-Man tries to rob an armored truck and is caught in the sights of Captain George Stacy.

At school, Peter gets out of class to go to the nurse, only to find a mysterious note in his locker directing him to a black van. He ends up finding Janet Van Dyne who helps use science to fix his gunshot wound. He asks about Harry or if Fury knows about the copycat and she says they’re too busy but he should kick their ass.

Peter, MJ and Gwen walk home and Gwen calls him out on faking being sick and sneaking around to spend time with MJ until Peter sees police cars in front of his house again and we find out that George Stacy is dead.

Ben Urich meanwhile has been getting information about the Spider-Man robbery. Spider-Man got cornered, swore in Spanish after trying to escape, got shot at, his backpack was hit so he threw the smoking backpack back into the path of a child and George Stacy sacrificed himself to save the kid.

Peter and MJ try to talk to Gwen but Peter is more concerned about clearing Spider-Man’s name so she asks to be alone. The next day at work, Peter gets in to find Ben rushing off for another Spider-Man sighting and so Peter leaves too and Spider-Man swings into the bank to confront his doppleganger.

Meanwhile Aunt May tries to reach out to Ginger, Gwen’s mom who refuses to take her back into custody and Gwen overhears the conversation.

Fake Spider-man tries to take a hostage with a taser but Peter knocks it from his hand and proceeds to beat the hell out of the fake Spider-Man. Fake Spidey offers the money he was going to steal and Peter unmasks him and starts to choke him out till he falls unconscious. Captain DeWolff calls everyone to exit the bank and when the police come in they find the fake Spider-Man webbed up, confessing his crimes, but Peter is upset about how he lost control.

When he gets home, he finds Aunt May waiting. They go to talk to Gwen and Peter says they got the fake Spider-Man, and Gwen is prepared to move to Minnesota with her only surviving family but May offers to take her in.

The next day at school Peter and MJ meet and MJ explains she’s been traumatized after being thrown off the bridge and she keeps worrying about him and Peter thinks this is her being jealous about Gwen. MJ says that’s part of it and that Gwen is in love with Peter and Peter doesn’t understand and she doesn’t want to ignore everything going on like her mom did and how the relationship is about her, so she breaks up with him.

 

Ultimates 7-13

Writer – Mark Millar, Pencils – Bryan Hitch, Inks – Andrew Currie, Colors – Paul Mounts, Letters – Chris Eliopoulos

After the Hulk attacked New York City things aren’t great. Bruce Banner finds out he is now permanently in danger of becoming the Hulk after killing at least 300 people and the public can never know the connection. Bruce Banner doesn’t believe Eammon Brankin and when Bruce wants to talk to Pym, Eammon says that Pym vanished after assaulting his wife.

Steve meets up with Bucky and Gail after a funeral to catch up until Fury calls him because they found Janet who is suffering from the ant bites and barely was found while Hank is on the run.

Betty Ross, Tony and Steve get lunch and she confesses she knew Hank had a history of domestic violence and she hid it from everyone.

Thor stops in to talk to Fury while Hawkeye, a spy bow boy, and Black Widow, last seen in Spider-man, a lady spy, are hunting aliens and Captain America goes to hunt down Hank Pym using SHIELD’s surveillance. Hawkeye and the Black Widow assault an office building killing dozens and an explosion goes off leaving Hawkeye hanging on the building as more aliens approach so he and Black Widow work together and take them out.

That night Fury introduces the pair to Tony and Thor since they are going to be new public Ultimates while Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, heads of the Brotherhood of Mutants will be on the black ops team. This is also where we really get more hints of incestuous Quicksilver and there’s a recurring bit about Quicksilver moving to help them, but they have to slow the tapes to see it. Fury then goes into the presentation about how the Chitauri are responsible for a lot of genocides including the Nazi one in World War 2, they can transform into human forms and also the two nukes on Japan were used to destroy their training camps and HOLY FUCK. This is just a bad bad bad idea.

Fury thought they were dead but they’ve been turning back up and have a base in Micronesia that they are going to take down.

SHIELD meanwhile informs Fury they tracked Captain America to the bar where Hank Pym is, and he takes him out, Pym doesn’t want to fight but Cap forces him to become big and fight so Cap knocks him out after dropping heavy pipes on him.

Bruce and Betty talk and catch up about Pym and alien conspiracies like sabotaging nuclear programs to poisoning nervous systems with artificial sweeteners to microchipping kids so in this universe Q-Anon is right? But now SHIELD is going to attack their base.

Tony and Black Widow talk commenting how Hawkeye calls his loved ones to say goodbye before every mission and Tony is drinking.

Cap goes to visit Janet who doesn’t want to be on the team anymore as a hero, calls him out for beating up her husband and asks him to leave. Cap returns, Thor leaves early to go with Mjolnir which can transport people as it is time to battle.

We flashback to Captain America facing off against Herr Kleiser, a Chitauri, as he hangs on a train that holds parts of a super weapon which Cap rigged to explode. A year later he found out about the plant where he’d end up getting frozen and there’s a bit with pre-references to him being frozen while the Helicarriers move in closer.

Janet gets out of bed when nobody was coming to check on her which she found suspicious and when the nurses try to kill her she shrunk down to escape because they are Chitauri sleepers.

Meanwhile SHIELD arrives on the island and despite what the Psi-Division said there is nobody there and as Wasp sends them the warning that the Aliens are at the Triskelion a massive explosion goes off and Kleiser reveals that he is the one leading the attack. Kleiser captures Janet and gloats about his victory and he flies off to their secret base and reveals all the conspiracies Betty talked about are real.

And Kleiser reveals to assume the human form they have to eat the humans and he plans to eat Janet. And then the ships end up launching because the Chitauri who aren’t on the planet don’t have time to effectively brainwash and control everyone so they will just kill everyone and Kleiser won’t be able to use Janet’s body.

So with 45 minutes on the clock before the bomb will go off, Thor and the Ultimates and soldiers he was able to save reappear in thunder and Captain America calls every soldier to join them in the fight.

Captain America impales Kleiser on the cone of a jet fighter and explodes it, destroying a ship that costs somewhere around 40-50 million dollars when it runs into oil tankers. Kleiser survives and the two fight and the clock ticks down.

Thor meanwhile is causing collateral damage as he single handedly brings down the fleet.

Fury meanwhile turns invisible and surprises Kleiser by shooting him in the head but he survives, heals and knocks Fury back.

Tony meanwhile tries to redirect one of the falling ships and is helped by some soldiers and they help him recharge which knocks out most of the power grid. And then there’s the bit where the black kid gives Tony a thumbs up and Tony returns it and then when Tony leaves, the soldiers push the kid down.

Black Widow and Janet meanwhile made their way into the weapon controls but kill all the Chitauri and struggle to figure out how to stop the weapon.

Kleiser proceeds to attack Cap and asks him to surrender so Captain America bisects him with the shield and says the dumb movie line “Life is like a box of chocolates”.

And then Fury calls in the soldiers to send in Banner who toss him out of a plane and when he lands the Hulk comes out as Kleiser gets back up and Cap tells Fury to leave. Hulk attacks Cap but then Cap says that Kleiser was touching Betty and so Hulk and Kleiser fight.

With 15 minutes left, Janet and Natasha call Tony Stark to help with the bomb as the Air Force arrives.

And then Hulk decapitates Kleiser and eats him. Captain America being awful tells the Hulk that the ship pilots called Hulk a sissy and Hulk being the worst, chases after.

Tony meanwhile gets to the bomb, can’t stop it, so he calls Thor to teleport it away and Thor sends it to Hel, to Natasha’s disbelief because people still question Thor being Thor.

As Hulk finishes the last of the ships and starts to run, Hawkeye shoots him with a cure and so an angry Hulk jumps at the helicopter and a sleeping Bruce Banner lands in Hawkeye’s lap.

Quicksilver and Wanda celebrate claiming they also were in the battles if you slow down the footage and the Ultimates celebrate their Independence Day.

Bruce ends up back in confinement and is troubled that he ate Kleiser, Betty now wants to have sex with Bruce, some people think SHIELD faked the invasion, and Cap and Fury celebrate the war being over. Janet gets a call from Hank who wants to break up and at the White House. Natasha decides she wants to hook up with Tony Stark, Cap and Janet share a dance and a kiss and Fury celebrates his job well done in the Oval Office.  

 

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