DC Supersons Present Horny Shazam

Although susceptible to violent outbursts, DC Supersons (Dan and Jake) are timid and shy men by disposition, leading a lonely, uneventful life — partly due to the constant berating they suffer from DC Comics. However, several events transpire that shake up the DC Supersons’ mundane existence, one of which is falling in love with MultiversalQ’s hosts, Luke and Devin. But the romance is threatened when the DC Supersons falls victim to Superman: Distant Fires.

Universes and Comics Covered

  • Earth-? – Superman: Distant Fires

See the other half of the crossover here!

Check after the jump for notes and the image gallery!

Superman: Distant Fires – 1998

Writer – Howard Chaykin, Pencils – Gil Kane, Inks.- Kevin Nowlan, Colors – Matt Hollingsworth, no credited letterer

 

We start off with computers inadvertently causing nukes to fire from both sides destroying most of the world instantly and ruining what remained. The only survivor was Clark Kent, aka Superman who lives in the ruins of Metropolis and he’s lost not only his loves ones, but also his mind, and his powers. He ends up spending most of his time fighting giant rats, trying to farm, growing a beard, and also hallucinating giant versions of his loved ones. One day all of his hallucinations are criticizing him for moping including Batman and Lex Luthor until he sees a bunch of rats and mutated humans attacking a giant dove so Superman shoots at them with a submachine gun to scare them off and Lois as another giant hallucination tells him to explore and see if he’s truly alone or not.

 

He takes off exploring the country, tames a giant cat that he names Kryptonite because it’s a pain. They end up traveling together and one day when the cat is drinking and he’s swimming a golden rope grabs his cat and a woman attacks him and then when they fight, Clark realizes it’s Diana, Wonder Woman, so he shaves his beard because he is ready to fuck. She takes him back to the other survivors who have started making a new world even though everyone lost their powers. Also Wally West lost a leg.

 

We find out this world is governed by a council with J’onn Jonzz as the president and he’s – like Martians can inherently transform but he’s stuck as being a green dude??? Other survivors include Scott Free and Big Barda, Guy Gardener, Cheetah, the Joker who became sane, and Captain Marvel aka Billy Batson and they all have opinions about how to deal with the mutants, but they get distracted when Joker points out Superman is there and everyone is happy to see him but he has an anxiety attack and his hallucinations tell him to not trust them.

But then he sees Matrix who …

comes from an alternate universe where Superman died so Lex Luthor was good so he made an artificial woman based on Lana Lang the love of his life with powers based on Superman who he saw in the mainstream universe and who ended being unable to fight the evil Kryptonians in her world in time so she moved back to the main DC universe because there was only supposed to be one Kryptonian survivor in comics.

 

But here she is a bubble gum person and apparently she has no memories or anything.

And then Wonder Woman seeing Clark with his very sexual pony tail dumps Billy Batson who she’d been dating for reasons?

With Superman they start to grow, make peace with the mutants and eventually call the town Champion and also Billy Batson grows to be horny and jealous so he swears revenge and calls Shazam and is turned into Captain Marvel but when he goes to try and kill Clark the power goes away and barely survives and is broken.

Clark and Diana end up getting married and life continues, Billy keeps calling the thunder which starts to restore powers to everyone though they don’t know why. Also Diana and Clark have a son they name Bruce.

 

Captain Marvel returns to Champion to call on everyone to rule the savages and have them serve them and this ends up causing a split in the community and a bunch of heroes leave to take over the world. Also Matrix runs away.

 

Three years pass and we find that Captain Marvel has cut off contact, Aquaman became a sea monster man, Metallo has a mutant army that is also evil and is devouring everything on a path to Champion.

 

Superman sends J’onn, Cheetah and Diana to try and talk to Aquaman but a group of thugs come and kill Cheetah and J’onn – because surprise it was Billy Batson and three of his children who are somehow all teens even though it was only three years – and also Metallo shows up and kills Diana.

 

Superman flies out and destroys a mountain to serve as Diana’s tomb and then declares war but then he realizes that the world is still going to fall apart because Billy calling down the thunder is causing the destruction. Superman ends up finding Matrix with the Green Lantern ring so he and his army meet up with Billy’s and tries to talk him down even though they both brought armies. Billy refuses to listen and then is hit with lightning kill him and the world prepares to fall apart.

 

Superman races back and ends up sending Bruce away in a rocket made with the Green Lantern battery and rockets away from Earth before it explodes.

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.