UltiversalQ 025: Cucktain America

Like a nice hot mug of Mountain Dew, Luke and Devin are here to warm you up with some discussions of Ultimate Wolverine Vs Hulk, the racist propaganda of Ultimates 2, and the forgettable nature of an Ultimates Annual.

Issues Covered:

  • Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #1-6
  • Ultimates 2 #7-13
  • The Ultimates Annual #2

Check out the image gallery and show notes after the jump.

Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #1-6

Writer – Damon Lindelof, Pencils – Leinil Francis Yu, Color – Dave McCaig, Letters – VC’s Chris Eliopoulos

Bruce Banner wakes up on the boat about to be nuked for the crimes he did as the Hulk and transforms into the Hulk and jumps far away into the ocean, surviving without anyone’s knowledge. He washes up in Normandy and turns back to Bruce and starts a life on the lam. While getting therapy in Paris under the alias David, his psychologist pushes him on why he isn’t angry towards Betty because he keeps calling her and hanging up. She asks if it’s because he’s impotent and he Hulks out.

Later, he tries to make a call in Ireland to Betty and he stops himself again. He goes to work under the name Bixby and his coworkers hassle him about eating vegan so he Hulks out and kills them and eats the cows that were nearby.

He then goes to India and hears a man answer her phone and Hulks out again. Back in the states Betty, realizes it was Bruce calling her while she was with another man. 

Bruce then heads to the Monastery in Tibet where he finds the Panchen Lama for help with being the Hulk. The Lama who is about 8, lives there with Steve, a monk. The Lama talks about how the Pachen Lama finds the Dalai Lama and vise versa as a chicken vs. the egg puzzle over who finds who. The Lama was told Bruce was coming and they talk about whether Hulk is Bruce’s real form or Bruce is the Hulk’s real form.

Back in the states, Betty Ross and Dr. Jennifer Walters talk about how Betty makes poor relationship choices in her life. Jenn then asks for a sample of the gamma serum to improve it which Betty doesn’t like because she is a bit obsessed with Bruce. Wolverine meanwhile in a room where Jenn and Betty are secretly watching, meets with Nick Fury in his secret house and detects the two women before he is introduced to them and is told about how the Hulk survived and Betty doesn’t trust Wolverine.

The group then goes over his appearances in Paris, Ireland, and India and how they need the Hulk to be killed. Wolverine agrees to do it for the thrill of the fight and agrees to go to Tibet to find the Hulk after getting a sniff of the gamma serum.

A few days later, Captain America and Tony Stark are playing pingpong as Forge watches and Betty shows up so they talk about Wolverine being sent to kill Hulk. Betty wants Hulk to be forgiven since he did survive a death sentence, and then the heroes get into a fight about superhero registration with Steve being for it and Tony against it. 

Jenn meanwhile tests the gamma serum on a hamster who grows to full size but isn’t angry and shows it to Betty, proving she improved the serum.

Betty goes to Fury to warn him that Jenn is going to try and sell the gamma serum to China. He doesn’t believe her but he authorizes a sample to be released so Betty’s loyalty could be tested.

Meanwhile, Wolverine goes to Tibet, drinks, and notices there’s no women in the town. He heads up the mountain to a temple after paying a guide, where he finds that The Hulk surrounded by all of the women in town in bikinis which is a weird thing to have in the mountains of Tibet. 

Betty is meanwhile notified about Logan heading to the temple and uses audio she recorded of Fury to get herself a flight authorization to follow. 

Fury watches as Jenn meets with the Chinese but finds out that the briefcase is actually the new 2009 Star Trek movie which she was trying to buy. Fury asks about the serum he released to Betty and realizes he was duped by Betty.

In the temple, Wolverine talks about how he was sent there to kill him and notices Hulk is smart. Hulk brings up how Iron Man and Captain America are supposed to kill Wolverine if Xavier ever stops having him on the team and they both posture at one another. Wolverine brings up Betty which makes Hulk frustrated and Hulk tells him to leave the temple. Wolverine, seeing that he gets a reaction then insinuates that he’s going to hook up with Betty. 

Hulk rips Wolverine in half in a fight and throws his legs far away. Wolverine claws his way miles back to find the Hulk who threatens to eat one of his legs. They start talking and that’s when a SHIELD jet flies over and a passenger drops out, She-Hulk, Betty Ross, transformed by the improved gamma serum who Fury tried to stop. She lands, says that she’s there to help the Hulk but the Hulk gets angry instead because Betty causes him to make bad choices. 

Betty and the Hulk get into a fight that turns horny before a nuke is fired at them and the Hulk meets with it before shouting “Meet Me In Casablanca”.

Wolverine then has a fantasy where he talks to his fursona, a panda, and continues to be awful. Wolverine is angry about his fursona not being a Wolverine he and the panda get into a fight and the panda mentions how Wolverine lost his head and he wakes up at the Triskelion where Fury is interrogating his decapitated head about what happened in Tibet which Wolverine claims to not remember beyond Fury dropping a bomb on them. Fury doesn’t trust Wolverine and then shoots Wolverine. 

Wolverine wakes up in a cell with no doors and his claws blocked off and finds Forge trying to escape with a vibranium tuning fork that lets him phase through walls. Wolverine asks Forge to free him which he does and they bust out and Wolverine asks him for more help so they go to Forge’s lab. Wolverine has Forge make control collars that can exert the pressure of the moon and are small enough to go on humans, but too small for Hulks, unaware that Fury is watching Wolverine.

Wolverine, planning to go to stop the Hulks, causes a distraction at the airport so he can get through without being caught and shows up in Hong Kong where he finds Betty in her hotel. He threatens her to put on the collar but she refuses and attacks him, but Wolverine stabs her and forces her to do what he wants. 

Wolverine then shows up on Bruce’s flight to Casablanca and collars him in a surprise attack. Bruce realizes the situation he is in and talks about how the collar is there to stop the Hulk and not Bruce because of what the Hulk did to Wolverine. Bruce is upset so he jumps out of the plane and Wolverine follows and has to cut the collar off because Wolverine wanted Hulk to die as Hulk and not as Banner. Fury then finds the pair in the desert and Fury tells him the Hulk that he’s free because he has Betty as insurance for the Hulk Attacks. He also warns Wolverine he’s angry at him and then rides off, leaving Hulk and Wolverine to figure out how to get back home.

Ultimates 2 #7-13: Grand Theft America

Writer – Mark Millar, Pencils – Bryan Hitch, Inks – Paul Neary, Colors – Laura Martin, Letters – Chris Eliopoulos

Somewhere in the Middle East, Captain America stopped the surface to air missiles of a nuclear facility, before having Quicksilver extricate him. Nick Fury then sends in bombers and Giant Men and the Captains of the European Union, along with Iron Man and Black Widow to disassemble the nuclear arsenal with help from Scarlet Witch. Meanwhile Captain America and the military relocate the locals by force.

6 months later, Thor is meeting with Tony while still imprisoned at the Triskelion and people outside are clambering for his freedom. Thor criticizes the forced disarmament that the Ultimates had a hand in and Thor asks where it will stop, believing someone is behind it. Tony calls Thor the delusional one and Thor warns about what Fury is doing making new enemies with his preemptive strikes. 

Meanwhile Wasp and Hank meet up at a cafe and so she can vent about Captain America seeming so old. Hank talks about the Defenders failing and how he’s now working for a company.

At Hawkeye’s home after they had Wasp and Captain America over for dinner, Hawkeye and Laura comment on Wasp and Captain America’s strained relationship which Hawkeye didn’t pick up on. Laura hears a knock at the door and goes to check and is killed by soldiers who then murder the rest of Hawkeye’s family as Hawkeye fails to stop them.

Wasp wakes up in the morning to find Captain America who knows how she’s been spending time with Hank and he doesn’t like it. She denies she’s done anything with Hank, at least so far, so Captain America runs off.

Meanwhile the SHIELD forensics team find the murder site where Hawkeye’s body is missing. Fury activates his personal secret cameras that he had hidden and plans to keep it secret from the Ultimates as he looks for the culprit.

Captain America meanwhile goes to hang out with Bucky to vent and part of the issue is he’s very different than Wasp and after talking, Captain America and Bucky hug – all as Fury begins to track him and sends the Ultimates Reserves after them. As Captain America and Bucky walk through Greenwood Cemetery, he talks about how he is having issues living in the world and then the Ultimates Reserves and Fury show up to rant at Captain America who tries to escape their assault.

Meanwhile as Black Widow is working on picking a dress for her wedding to Iron Man with Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver, they get the news along with Iron Man that the murder of the Barton’s was done by Captain America who was captured by Fury.

Hawkeye meanwhile was captured and drugged to give up state secrets including security codes by an unknown organization.

At the Triskelion, Quicksilver has concerns about what has been happening to the team as outside, all of the Helicarriers begin to fall to the ground and a swarm of people in power suits fly out and begin attacking. 

At Iron Man’s place, Iron Man has Jarvis make breakfast for him and Black Widow. He then goes to the bedroom and has an intimate moment with Black Widow. The sound of the crashing helicarriers interrupts them so Black Widow pulls a gun, and kills Jarvis who just came in. 

Quicksilver meanwhile evacuated everyone he could as the army of powered people fly out of other ships and the armies of unnamed powered people start coming in and murdering the Ultimates Reserves. 

In the sky, a figure appears wielding Thor’s hammer and attacks Quicksilver which keeps Scarlet Witch from being able to focus on holding off the evil army with her powers.

Above the city, Loki and the mysterious Colonel watch as heroes across the world are waylaid and the new team of villains is assembled to shut down the American Empire which is kind of fair. 

We are then introduced to the Liberators including The Abomination, a Chinese Hulk equivalent who keeps his intelligence, The Crimson Dynamo, a Chinese Iron Man equivalent who can control multiple suits, Hurricane a North Korean speedster, The Swarm, a Syrian who can control insects, Perun, a Sovient Thor, The Schizoid Man, a Russian who can replicate like Multiple Man, Abdul Al-Rahman, the Colonel who was displaced by the Ultimates, and Loki, along with their power suit soldiers. Their secret other weapon is that Hank Pym who provided them with Ultrons to keep the peace because the Liberators don’t want to hurt the innocent American people, only the aggressors. They go hunting for the President and start gathering teams of superheroes so they can control them. 

Fury meanwhile lost an arm and is captured along with the Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, and Betty who doesn’t turn into She-Hulk because her identity wasn’t revealed yet. Meanwhile the Wasp is missing. 

Back at Iron Man’s, Black Widow threatens him with a gun and is out for revenge for what America did to the Soviet Union and she has stored the money in Tony’s accounts which with him dead, she will have access to. That is when he activates the nanites in her blood to steal her knowledge of the Liberator’s plans, knocks her out with a bottle and goes to suit up.

Meanwhile Hawkeye ripped off his own nails and killed the soldiers who captured him and he escapes, killing everyone in his path. 

Captain America meanwhile was captured and The Schizoid Man found the Wasp who reveals she freed Captain America and in his cell, Thor prays to Odin.

Captain America and the Wasp fight and apologize and go to find Thor realizing they were duped and find that Thor is missing. Meanwhile on Air Force One, Perun and Crimson Dynamo attack, potentially killing Laura Bush. 

Elsewhere in Brussels, the European Union is stuck because the Liberators control America’s arsenal and threaten to fire nukes if any country tries to intercede, but Captain Britain has a plan.

Air Force One is brought to the White House as Wasp and Captain America break into it and find Hawkeye, Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Fury, and Betty before another wave of Super Soldiers comes flying in.

Iron Man meanwhile went in an older suit goes to activate Iron Man 6 which is on a satellite in space. 

The Colonel notices the Ultimates are at the White House and goes to face Captain America. 

As the Ultimates fight back, Hank switches the Ultrons to crowd control to keep civilians safe and questions Loki’s inactivity who explains that once he does something, Odin will follow. Neither of them notice a civilian get stomped on by a Crimson Dynamo robot, but then the civilian then turns into the Hulk and rips the robot apart. 

Captain America and the Colonel introduce themselves to one another as he pulls out his double-sided lightsaber and fight as the Hulk faces off against the Abomination and Hurricane fights Hawkeye. Quicksilver rushes in to save his buddy Hawkeye though and grabs Hurricane, grinding her down with friction until she dies. Captain America and the Colonel’s flight meanwhile reaches the Vietnam Memorial as neither of them backs down. 

Fury, Betty with a gun because Ultimate Wolverine and Hulk wasn’t done yet, and Scarlet Witch move to save the president.

Meanwhile the European Union heroes traveled to the US in disguise and attack. Hulk meanwhile is overpowering the Abomination who begs for his life. The Swarm moves to attack and Wasp injects a serum that Hank gave her and she becomes giant, stomping Swarm.

Crimson Dynamo panicking moves to start killing civilians and Loki decides to start working while Iron Man 6 fires a laser destroying Crimson Dynamo and Hulk kills the Abomination by punching the top of his head off. 

Hank sees the battle turning and changes Ultron to help fight the remaining Liberators which they question before complying. 

The Colonel is about to kill Captain America by beheading but when he raises his lightsaber, Hawkeye throws Captain America’s shield cutting off the Colonels’ hands allowing Captain America to overpower the men holding him and then he then kills the Colonel. 

All of the other Ultimate Universe heroes fight and SHIELD resumes control until Loki shows up explaining Thor was here on Earth to help humanity, while he wanted to start World War 3, but then Thor returns with Mjolnir.

Loki tries to distract his brother with illusions but Thor fights them and smashes Loki with a hammer. But then Loki summons the Midgard Serpent and armies of Asgardian monsters. He taunts about how he messed with the video evidence as Thor continues to fight and then the Asgardians come in on the Bifrost to help the Ultimates and Thor kills Loki. 

In the aftermath they talk about how cool everything was, Hank lies about always being with the Ultimates, Scarlet Witch hits on an Ultron, Perun is wandering the streets to surrender, and the nation starts to recover. 

Captain America approaches Fury and wants the Ultimates to go independent with Iron Man funding it. Meanwhile Black Widow is found in the hospital by Hawkeye who pins her to the wall before killing her.

Iron Man starts building the team out again which means the United States no longer has official super soldiers, and while Iron Man mourns the loss of Black Widow’s hotness, he sees another woman and gets over it. 

At the Triskelion, Hank is imprisoned and Wasp comes to visit him and we cut to the past where Steve Rogers, pre Captain America talked about wanting to end war altogether and hoping he’d have the power to do it. 

The Ultimates Annual #2

Writer – Charlie Huston, Pencils – Mike Deodato Jr, Ryan Sook, Inks – Joe Pimentel, Wade Von Grawbadger, Scott Koblish, Colors – Rain Beredo, June Chung, Letters – VC’s Joe Caramagna

In the past, Captain America snuck into a castle in World War 2 where he ran into Arnim Zola who used genetically engineered soldiers. Captain America learned previously that Zola’s genetic engineering needed people with more melanin in their skin to survive meaning he mostly used black people, and stopped Zola. 

In the present, Captain America and The Falcon are working on recovering the dead in New York City after the Liberators attack when reports of crime and plague out in Middle America reach them. The reports of a plague comes out that is only affecting people of color and turning their corpses white. Captain America figures out that Zola is behind it recognizing the signs of his work. He then finds out that after Captain America defeated him, Arnim Zola was recruited by the OSS to work on the Super Soldier program and the OSS digitized Zola’s mind to preserve it, allowing him to survive to the present. 

Falcon and Captain America head out to find the source of the attacks and are shot down so they have to hitchhike and get Captain America to get people to give them a ride because this is a poorly written issue about race. 

Captain America doesn’t believe racism is still a problem, so Sam has to tell him about the progress and fight for equality in the past while he was frozen. 

The guy who gives them a ride served with Captain America in World War 2 and gives them a car and the pair head after the group called the Marauders who are using Zola’s White Dust and have a militia. They fight their way into the base and find that Jenks, who was supposedly in charge of the militia, was genetically altered into a massive cyborg abomination to house Zola’s mind.

The militia overpowers Captain America but then Falcon ends up freeing everyone who the militia had imprisoned for whatever reason, so they work together and topple it and kill Zola’s body. With the people freed, Captain America and Falcon check on the injured and then plan to head home and Captain America didn’t learn anything.

To Rank:

Ultimate Wolverine vs Hulk #1-6

Ultimates 2 #7-13: Grand Theft America

The Ultimates Annual #2

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